Nice people and a shite life

Yes it really is 4.30am and I am really writing this when I could be sleeping. I am well aware I am probably going to feel really shit when Pork Chop does wake up because, unlike me, she won't want a lie in.

Yesterday I had a big row with The Other Half over the most stupid of things. For the second time in a month I have managed to get a parking fine because I was slightly over my ticket limit. Annoying yes, my fault obviously, a waste of money definitely, but worth having an argument over?

The argument went something like this.

The Other Half(ironing his trousers because I didn't do it properly, hmm): "You know that parking ticket really isn't on, you really shouldn't have got it."

Me: "It wasn't intentional, I was just a bit over my time."

The Other Half talking to me like I am an imbecile: "Well, how much over your time? I mean you must have realised. You buy a ticket, you check the time, you make sure you are back and you don't get booked. It really isn't on."

Me getting slightly annoyed now: "I don't know how much, maybe ten minutes. I must have misread the ticket. If it bothers you that much I will pay for it out of my own savings."

The Other Half: "Well just really isn't on. It is just wasteful. You must have realised." (How many times does he have to say that I get the point.)

Me really annoyed: "Like I said I didn't do it on purpose. You are being unfair and like I also said I WILL PAY FOR IT OUT OF MY OWN MONEY SO IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM."

The Other Half: "Fine, whatever."

Me: "Fine."

But I wasn't fine about it. I was really upset and very annoyed that he had decided to have a go. This whole thing continued on text after he went to work eventually at midday. I admit it was my fault and I should have checked the tickets properly. I admit it is an awful waste of £60 for the two tickets but I don't think I deserve to be pilloried from here to the ends of the earth. There are far worse crimes to commit if you ask me. There are also double standards at work here.

The Other Half went on about how wasteful it was but this is coming from a man who thinks nothing of spunking a few hundred quid in a casino, who borrowed my credit card and splashed out on £200 worth of champagne in a bar with his mates while I was home alone with Pork Chop, who regularly buys a weekly ticket to London but only goes in for a day, thereby wasting £75. I don't earn anymore so I budget like mad and always ask him if I am going to spend money on anything else. I even asked "permission" to buy a pair of £7 slippers because mine were literally falling to bits.

I hate this - I was once an independent woman with my own disposable income. Now I am an emasculated mother made to feel wasteful because of a couple of parking tickets. Do I cancel the hair appointment I have booked even though I haven't had it cut in months? Do I not buy a pair of smart trousers even though my last pair ripped because they had worn through and I now have none. What is the social protocol when you are no longer an earner and beholden to your partner?

So as a result I have decided, if it does nothing else than to get The Other Half off my back, to go back to work. It's not something I particularly want to do in my old job so I have asked a couple of PR firms I know. Actually come to think of it. It isn't something I want to really do full stop but I don't feel I have much of a choice or I will always get the "I'm the one bringing home the bacon and therefore can do what I like argument".

Anyway onto slightly nicer matters. I took Pork Chop out just to the supermarket and for once, despite my rant the other day about being invisible, encountered lovely people. The cashier was a particularly friendly man, the man who gave my lottery tickets (yes I live in hope) also had a ready smile and a joke. Other people were friendly and apologised for being in the way.

And most exciting of all, for me at least, is that Pork Chop has cut her first two teeth.