Jackpot

It seems like ages since I last bothered to write anything and indeed, it is about 2am as I do this. Pork Chop is staying overnight with her grandad for the first time and I am a little tearful because she has never been away from me for more than a few hours. I am sure she is fine but I still find it a little upsetting.

The reason she is staying with my dad is so The Other Half and I could go out for the evening. I thought we could have a nice meal a few drinks and maybe some drunken sex after. As you may have guessed, the fact I am writing this in the early hours of the morning should give you some indication that all did not go according to plan.

It started to go slightly wrong when I suggested we eat out and he said he wasn't hungry. As a result I ended up having delightly un-cordon bleu salmon tartlets hastily bunged in the oven. We eventually got out the door at about 9pm - several hours after I had deposited Pork Chop with her Grandad. Several nasty cocktails which seemed suspiciously devoid of alcohol followed in a new bar close to our house. We actually had a fantastic seat right in the window, perfect for people watching. I have to admit I sat there rather smugly, watching various girls walk past with tree trunk legs and the proverbial muffin middle all the while thinking, "I've had a baby and I am still skinnier than you."

By 11pm we had decided to head off to the local casino. We paused briefly to stare at a full packet of B&H lying on the pavement and tempting though it was, we resisted the slightly scuaay urge to pick them up and smoke them. Two hours later we were still in said casino and The Other Half was on a winning streak having gone from £60 to around about £500 at the last count. I have to admit I was getting a bit tired by this point and, concsious of the fact I have to pick up Pork Chop tomorrow and entertain her, said it was time for me to go home. At this point in time I was under the belief he was still a gentleman however, the conversation went something like this:

"I am really tired hon, I am going to head home."

"Are you sure, you don't want to stay a little longer? I have never had luck like this."

"I'm sure. I know that tomorrow afternoon, and I am not trying to be horrid, but you will be able to sleep while I won't get the chance because I have to look after Pork Chop."

"Don't worry I'll look after her." (Oh and pigs might fly)

"Well, I am going to head home anyway. I'll leave the keys under the mop in the shed."

"Okay, see you later, bye."

Maybe once again I am being unreasonable and just expecting a little too much but what I really wanted him to say was, "Okay, I'll finish up here and walk you home my love." Instead, I ended up walking home on my own trying to hold back the tears because a) I desperately miss my daughter whereas The Other Half seems unmoved and more interested in Blackjack and b) it feels like he doesn't really care about me if he is more interested in playing Blackjack rather than accompanying me through home late at night.

I managed to get through the fron door before actually bursting into tears. Gosh I sound really neurotic now and I wish I didn't care but I do

Anyway, to digress the christening thing is now sorted and it is going to be at the Indian restaurant. My mum and I are now talking again and I feel rather guilty at not giving her more of a chance to see she isn't an ogre. However, 28 years of being scared of your mother and trying to do things to please her is a hard habit to break.

I also have given up carrying Porl Chop in a Baby Bjorn sling now she is close to 20lb the little chunky monkey! I nearly broke my back walking to swimming with her because The Other Half wanted the car to play golf. If there are any mums out there with suggestions on other better ergonmically designed slings/baby back packs I would love to hear them.

I actually have tons more to say but there is Eurotrash-style porn and Snatch (not porn but the Guy Ricthie film on TV) which keeps taking my attention. I shall finish with the exciting news that I am actually back in one of my pre-preggy bras at last! Haven't quite finished the breast feeding yet, the bra is still a delicate shade of a thousand wash grey like most of my underwear these days and my bosoms tend to spill out over the top but it is wonderful to no longer be wearing great galloping boulder holders for nursing.